"0 Days Tornado-Free"

You know those work sites that have signs up that say "151 days Accident-Free" to celebrate safety? Iowa needs ones of those that says "___ Days Tornado-Free". Except ours would say 0. We've had tornadoes every day for almost a week. And we've got more tornado watches tonight, too. We spent last night sleeping in the dank, musty storm shelter. 3 boys, 1 mom and 1 freaked-out cat. Good times. Think they've got wifi in Oz?

So what else have we been doing? Well, turns out some of my sibs went out and got themselves all edumakated. Last weekend we celebrated the graduations of one sister from college and another from high school. Way to go, my Smarty Pants girls! Upward and onward!

Need I mention that it took $89 dollars to fill my gas tank?? Probably not, but holy cow. Something's got to give. That is absolute insanity. It's not like I drive a Hummer or an SUV, fergoodnessakes. But I am seriously rethinking my minivan. Anyone drive a grocery-getter? I have my eye on a more fuel-efficient, low-riding grocery-getter.

And guess what else I have been doing?

I have been drinking really great coffee. I mean frothy, foamy, black-as-tar, beautiful espresso. See this beautiful piece of machinery? It is a Francis!Francis! X5 and it is my new BFF. I LOVE this machine. LOVE it. Is it possible to love an espresso machine? It is if that machine is the FF X5! Isn't she a beauty??? I am still perfecting this sucker - she seems to like me more if I feed her pods instead of ground beans. Whenever I do the ground beans she misbehaves. I will prevail!


And speaking of BFFs, my BFF is now the proud mommy of a gorgeous baby boy. He is 7+ lb of absolute perfection. I spent this evening staring at his tiny toes, his perfect little ears, the most darling little chin... ugh! Amazing! Congrats to BFF and DD! Love you both, congrats on your son! I still can't believe you were birthing yesterday and home, comfortable and so mobile today.

I have pics coming soon that would even make Mr. Perfectly Manicured Lawn proud. And you want to hear something so so funny??? One of our other (nice!) neighbors, came over to... get this... ask Handy Man for landscaping advice!!! Aheheha ehea ahoooho HOO HO HO heeeh eaaaa. Oh, that just makes my tummy hurt! Isn't that too, too funny?! Oh my goodness. Wait, I've got to tell it again. Our neighbor came over - to our yard - and looked around. Then, he asked *my* Handy Man for some tips. AHha ahah ahe he ha eha eah hooo heee ha. I spent the next 10 minutes howling in laughter in our yard until I had tears running down my cheeks. Awww, Handy Man... my dear, sweet, green-thumbed Handy Man.

So hopefully you'll forgive me for the pause in between blogs. It's been a whirlwind - quite literally - around here!

He's Done It Again

I tell ya' what. Every day I look straight into the eyes of my oldest child and implore him to stop.

"Stop growing, child!" I tell him.

He mostly laughs at me.

Today, he did it again. He turned eight. Eight! How can my boy be 8? I tried to take a photo-journalistic approach and catch it all on camera. *sigh* I'm too young to have an eight year old. I spent most of the day making a disaster of a cake. Trouble said, "It's disgusting!" No really, he did. About cake. :/

So aren't these pics grand? Doesn't Einstein look OLD?! I'll let you look them over before I tell you the FUNNY part.

We're ready for cake!


Umm... that's supposed to be Indiana Jones.


1 candle on his Temple of Doom cake.


Eight dollars for eight years.


Star Wars + Legos = Happy Boy


Oh my gosh! He's been wanting this for over a year!


My camera is better than mom's camera!


"Say cheese, Dad!"

Okay, the funny part. See how those first couple of pics are all fuzzy, woozy, crinkly and well... not good? Then see how, magically, the bottom photos are clear, crisp and they don't make you wonder if you crossed your eyes??

Guess what?

So we took all the pics, sang 'Happy Birthday', ate cake, Einstein unwrapped all his gifts. We sent the kids to bed and I sat down to write this blog (even though it's the middle of the night, because my mom will be wanting to see birthday pics and the dear thing wakes up before the sun). So I upload the pics. Then I start to feel nauseated. My lip trembles, my eyes water and I begin to cry.

Disaster! The photos were a mess. His only 8th birthday ever and the camera was on the wrong setting (darn fancy camera, anyway). So what did Handy Man and I do?

We make the kid REENACT his birthday. Those pretty pics? They're fake! He's only pretending to open his gifts and act surprised. Isn't he a sport of a child? His insane mommy's heart was going to burst for not getting his day captured, and the beautiful boy humored me and gladly, willingly and happily reenacted opening all his gifts so I could capture his 8th birthday.

'Cept when he got to this part:


Then he said his eyeballs were burning and he wanted to go to bed.

Week's Up!

It's been a busy week. The three days away last week were fantastic but it took seven to play catch up. I haven't had a ton of time for blogging but I did want to come share my favorite pictures of the week. Trouble shows off his getting dressed skills, then he gives a thumbs up for Lowe's new carts. He was so tuckered out after a morning of errands, he fell asleep like this in his car seat.

Don't All Pack Your Bags at Once...

Now, I hate to be a braggart... there's nothing more annoying than someone who just loves to brag about how great things are for her. But, well... the truth is, not everyone is as lucky as I am to live in Iowa. And I can't help myself but share all the wonderful, amazing, super-duper things about living in Iowa that you all are missing.

For example... Spring! Spring in Iowa is amazing.



I just love the mild temps and beautiful weather we have in Iowa in April. The sun always shines.



The AccuWeather forecasts always predict such beautiful spring climate.



And the water! The water here is just so inviting. Doesn't it make you eager for that cute suit you bought?



Children always get such fresh air and sunshine here in the Hawkeye state.



We have lush forests...



...and beautiful landscaping. There really is nothing more relaxing than spending time outdoors in the yard.



I do hope you'll forgive all the bragging. But now I know you all understand... there's no place like Iowa in the springtime!

An Ode to the Southern Girls

You may need to turn off the music so you can hear the monsoon snowflakes.

ps - It's an hour later and the world is now totally white. Not even the evergreen are green! ;) I love Iowa, I love Iowa, I love Iowa...

The Funniest Thing That Happened To Me This Week

I hear my iphone ringing in the other room. I break into a sprint, make the mad dash across the house to pick it up at almost the last moment before it would go into my voicemail.

"Hello? This is Darcy..." I answer. Someone once told me if you smile while you answer the phone, it makes you sound cheerier. It didn't seem to matter this time.

"Stop texting my phone!" shouts the irate male voice on the other end.

I pull my phone from my ear, look at it quizzically as if it might reveal something to me. I don't recognize the number or the area code.

"Uh, pardon me?" I reply sweetly and innocently to the angry man.

"Is this Jenna or Jessie or whatever? Stop texting me with p0r/\/ invites to your chatroom!" he growls, "this is my business line, you're interrupting my meetings, and I am NOT INTERESTED!"

At this point, I almost cough up my quad-shot latte through my nose. Can it be? I've been mistaken for a p0r/\/ hussy? Oh, this is too good.

"Um... sir." I teeter trying to collect myself, " I don't operate a chatroom business. This is also a work phone, a non-profit work number. I save babies. I do not solicit men to visit my chatroom."

I'm laughing as I speak, but he is not nearly as amused as I am.

"Well, it says YOUR number! And I've gotten HUNDREDS of texts the last few days" he says accusingly.

"I gather that, since you called me. Perhaps you should call your cell phone provider, and I'll call mine. In the meantime, I can assure you that I have not sent you a single text message."

"Well, don't text me any more!"

Clearly I was having a one sided conversation. Maybe he shouldn't be calling those 800 numbers in his free time, and they wouldn't distribute his number to all their hussy friends.

So I call AT&T and the girl who anwered the phone, luckily for me, DID find the entire conversation as funny as I did. "I've sent like what... 20 text messages my whole life?"

"22," she answers, giggling. "And none of them to his number."

"Should we call him back???" I ask her and we both burst into fits of girl giggles that one can only have when one's been mistaken as a p0r/\/ chatroom hussy.

Another QnA at LWM3B

Here are some of the questions from my comments and inbox lately that inquiring LWM3B minds want to know.

Q: You have awesome music, Darcy. Where can I get myself some tunes?

A: Well, first will someone please go tell Kysha that my music is awesome? Even when my 4 year old helps? Okay, next I say exercise caution when deciding if you want music. A lot of people find this feature extremely annoying. Bloggers who like to have a lot of windows open at the same time (uh, me) have crazy things that happen when our own blogs are open... then we go visit our friends. Want an example? Open my blog and the Nester's blog at the same time. Another example? Abba is blaring when I'm trying to hear my future daughter-in-law sing itsy bitsy spider. It's madness, I tell ya.

If you still want music after all that... here's how you do it. Scroll down my blog... waaay down. See the very bottom footer? There is a little music widget down there. Click it. It should take you to the site where you can make your own. That easy. It's free. I love free. And Kysha... you can also skip to ABBA if you want.


Q: Did you ever find more PB Loco?

A: Yes! But not at the SuperTarget. I made the 1/2 hr trek to the closest one only to find all they had was Sun Dried Tomato and some Jungle Banana flavor. Blech. Luckily for the boybarians, their Nanie loves them very, very much. She sent us a case of PB loco and I wish I could have recorded Einsteins whoops of joy and the way Picasso danced around the kitchen. We currently have 3 open jars and Einstein has eaten a variation of PB Loco for every meal since then. Okay, I have had my share of it too. Thanks, Nanie.


Q: Did your elliptical machine ever arrive?

A: No. After two days of "unreachable conditions" the freight company tried to ship it back... to the pacific northwest! Can you even believe it? Today, Handy Man called me and told me he drove to a town about 45 minutes from here to pick it up from the freight company. My Lenten Promise starts tomorrow; the elliptical will be here late tonight!

(Update: As of 10 pm Friday nite - it's here! Handy Man is assembling it right now! Dainty, I am already cursing your name for this.)


Q: Are all those cute girls your college roommates?

A: Nope, but they are just as fun as a whole gang of college girls! I met those amazing mommies through the March of Dimes. They are all mommies of miracles, both survivors and angels. We come from all over the US and try to get together a few times a year. Not only are these women some of the strongest women I know, but they dedicate oodles of hours to volunteering. They are very selfless when it comes to making sure other families find the NICU a less terrifying place than it was for us. It is very empowering to have a set of girlfriends who truly understand the ache, fear, isolation, grief, hope, triumph, and joy that starts (and sadly, sometimes ends) in the NICU. There are others, too... that couldn't come that time, but that I've talked about in my blog before. You can meet most of them over there on my blogroll. 'Cept for Dainty and ksc. They're slackers like that. But McTriplet Mommy, Miracle Monster Mom, Phamily Matriarch (Chuc' Mung ` Nam Moi'!) and Little Wonders (Happy birthday to the Wonder Triplets!) are all clickable. So is QuadMom... she's coming for a girls' weekend tomorrow! In case you were wondering... thats 2 sets of triplets, 1 set of quads and a partridge in a pear tree.

Q: How did you make that adorable picture of your boys over there -------> on your side bar?

A: Photoshop. By making all three photos the same width, in the case of my blog about 175 pixels wide, I was able to stack all the pictures into a single image. Then using the text feature, I just wrote their names and ages on each one so you could see the boybaric creatures I blog about all time. I'm thinking of adding Handy Man over there, too. Wouldn't that be *handy*???

Q: So... is Handy Man really a "handy man"?

A: Hahehehaeahhooohoohheahehaha! Hooohee, that's funny! While he is handy, it's just a fun moniker. Handy Man is actually a residential designer. That means he designs houses, like an architect - only his degree is in Urban Design instead of architecture. This is also why there is usually a plethora of blue prints in the background of my photos.


Q: You said in a blog that you're a "work at home mom". What do you do?

A: I am a web moderator for a NICU Family Support site. I work part-time from home. The site provides parent-to-parent support for families who have a baby born too soon, a baby born with birth defects, for families who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. It is an excellent and sound medical resource as well as a place of hope and comfort for so many parents who are at their most fragile. I am proud to be part of the team that makes sure there is a soft place for NICU parents to land.

Q: How are you ever going to recover from this?

A: I never will. But maybe this pic of me and Handy Man will redeem myself a little bit. I no longer have a mullet and I wear more sensible clothes now. I'll try to find the one of me at 14 in a HUGE men's XL shirt of Bart Simpson that says, "Don't Have a Cow Man." (Nanie do you have that one somewhere?)

Doesn't Handy Man look like a little boy??? Awww, he's so cute.

That's it for this installment of QnA from YOU. Thanks for playing along.

Wordless Wordy Wednesday

"Who ya gonna call?"



So this was going to be my Wordless Wednesday, but now I've laughed so hard I wet my pants twice, almost called my sister, June-Bug, at midnight to laugh some more.




"Back off Man. I'm a Ghostbuster. "

ahoahehoohaoheaoheheaheaoheoahea oh. my. tummy. hurts. My vanity-o-meter is totally depleted. I can never show my face again in public.

Oh My....

How fantastic would this be?




"I'd like mine with no whip, please!"

You All Crack Me Up

So I have one of those nifty stat counters that tell me things like who you people are who drop in on the boybarians, if you use Internet Explorer, Firefox or Safari (why do people really care about that?), your IP etc. But it also tells me the interesting stuff you all type into Google to find me. Most of you crack up me. I have spent many good minutes in resounding giggles about the kind of stuff y'all are looking for here. 'Cept for the creepy person who is looking for b0y$ in und3rw3@r. You are not funny. You give me the heebie jeebies and the urge to run you over with my soccer-mom mini van. (Sorry to have to code it... I don't need to be attracting more of those.)

Anyway, tangent. Most of you are pretty funny. Many of you are looking for free stuff. But the majority of you come here looking for homeschool curriculum stuff. And don't get me wrong... I'm flattered. But sometimes that causes the heartiest guffaw laughs. I mean, I don't know anything about curriculum. My oldest student is 7, fergoodnesssakes. I'm still glad my older two can read. I still spend some days thanking my lucky stars they can.

So while I'll continue to share our homeschooling trials and triumphs, I hope all you Googlers (did I just make up another word? I love that!) don't come expecting expert advice. But that, I suppose, is the beauty in homeschooling. It's a journey. I've learned so much since starting this. I tell Handy Man all the time how smart I am now that I've finished 1st grade. And it's true.

So, whatever query brought you here to Life With My 3 Boybarians... thanks for dropping in. You keep me accountable. Even if it's just to my mom. (Hi Mom.) And one of these days, Handy Man will get his hot bootie back in gear and make you all a Weekly Report.

SO, for my amusement, here are some of the most recent Google searches landing people on Life With My 3 Boybarians:
*3rd grade language arts
*free iTunes (keep on walkin' buddy. None of that here.)
*2nd grade language arts
*singapore + horizons
*lovely locks
*pretty girl hair cuts (hahehhaeah HOH HE EHAHEHA ahhhh ahehee. oh my. funny stuff)
*mill creek academy (in many variations of the spelling)
*boybarians (mine are *The Boybarians* not just any ol' boybarians!)
*peanut butter (I'm with whoever Googled this. Email me. We can be cyber BFFs)
*mmm mmm mmm (seriously?! ahehahehehaha funny! what were they looking for?!)
*star wars saga (I don't think Ive ever used the word 'saga' in my whole life. There. Now I've used it twice)

and here's my favorite:
*hot handy man (You found 'em girls!)

hhoohehahhheahehaheheheahehahehheeaaaaaha. Hot Handy Man. I think they were looking for a calendar man. But they got this instead!

I love Google!

In Iowa Today

Alot of people have been asking what's going on here in IOWA these days. So I wrote this short essay so you can be totally in the know.

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Caucus caucus caucus. Caucus caucus caucus, caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus; caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus! Caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus. Caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus... caucus caucus... caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus. Caucus caucus caucus! Caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus, caucus caucus caucus caucus, caucus caucus, caucus caucus caucus caucus.

Caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus. Caucus caucus; caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus. Caucus caucus caucus caucus caucus! Caucus! Caucus! Caucus!

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Phew, Glad we're all caught up. But I heard that Brian Williams and Anderson Cooper are totally hot in person. Maybe I'll go check them out and work my itty bitty actions on them!

Wordless Wednesday

Funniest Ebay Post Ever!

Oh. my. tummy. hurts! It's not that often that I read something and think, "Holy crapola, she's been spying on me!" but I think this poor, sweet mom of 6 children must shop at the same place I do. I haven't laughed this much on eBay. Ever.

Pokeman Cards for sale on Ebay

And in case you want more, she has a blog here.