On This Day...

On this day, 5 years ago... I was 6 months pregnant. It wasn't an easy pregnancy. I spent months 2-6 alternating between cursing this child for being such a (literal) pain and crying myself to sleep for fear of losing him.

On this day, 5 years ago... I laid in antepartum. My water had already broken. I was 28 weeks pregnant. I was bargaining. I'd do anything, if only... "Please," I begged, "Let him be safe..."

On this day, 5 years ago... my BFF stood by my bedside on what was simultaneously one of the worst and best days of my life. She was there for the contractions, the scare, the emergency c-section, everything. I will go to my grave grateful for those moments.

On this day, 5 years ago... I called my mom at 6 am to tell her my water had broken. And even though she was a state away and supposed to go to work, she found a replacement and got in the car and drove a 3-hour trip in a little more than 2 hours to be there.

On this day, 5 years ago... Handy Man barely made it in time for his son's birth when the antepartum nurse failed to mention the severity and timeliness of the situation, leading Handy Man to believe he had time to run through a drive-through. Handy Man balanced the world on his shoulders in those days, and I still wonder how he held himself and all of us together.

On this day, 5 years ago... a baby boy was born. Silent. A neonatal team whisked him away and immediately worked their magic.

On this day, 5 years ago... a man we call "Dr. John" fortuitously was the attending in the NICU. He made some calls that day that still matter... to this day. We will never forget him or what he did on that day (and on the many to come) that changed the life of a child and his family.

On this day, 5 years ago... I learned tough new words. I entered the life-changing war zone called the NICU. No one who goes through those doors comes out the same person. If baby is there for a week or a year, it is a tough place to live... even for a day.

On this day, 5 years ago... our son survived his premature birth. We wouldn't fully understand what that meant, or how critical those first hours were until much later. Starting on that day we learned to appreciate grams, breaths, ounces and minutes.

On this day, 5 years ago... I made a resolution to never forget NICU families and how much that baby boy overcame to be who he is today. Trouble ultimately spent 3 months in the NICU - coming home on his due date, weighing 5 lb and 1 oz.

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On this day, 4 years ago... we celebrated a first birthday. Our infant son weighed about 12 lb, and had recently learned to sit on his own. He was on oxygen, high calorie formula, and rarely left the house. He was meeting miletones, although delayed, and was a beautiful, happy, baby boy.

On this day, 3 years ago... our boy turned 2. At 18 lb, he was crawling, but not yet walking. He had a handful of words. He would finally walk a few months later, and put words together to communicate. He was still on oxygen, still rarely left the house. He was bold, happy, and charmed the world with his dimple and lashes. He became drug free this year - a huge milestone.

On this day, 2 years ago... our sweet, now bespectacled toddler turned 3. He was about 20 lb, still on oxygen - and would be until Independence day. That year freedom really rang for Trouble when he was finally able to take off his oxygen cannula. He was 38 months old.

On this day, 1 year ago... 4-year-old Trouble blew out the candles on his birthday cake for the very first time. He was surrounded by those who mean the most to him - his cheerleaders, family and friends - who got to witness a milestone that so many take for granted. Untethered by tubes, he ran around the playground with his friends, ate cake with his Nanie, and had the best birthday party a kid could have.

On this very day... our Trouble turns 5. He is an absolute miracle of a child. He weighs in at a whopping 26 lb, and although he may look like a toddler to those who don't know him, he is strong and scrappy. He has overcome more in 5 years than many will in a lifetime. He loves life! And we know that because of people like Dr. John and nurse Diane, his cheerleaders, friends, family and loved ones - that this is only the beginning of a very happy ending.

On the warming bed, in the NICU, 1 week old.


1st time Daddy holds him 2 1/2 weeks; Blanket made of washcloths. Nitric oxide.


NICU Homecoming - 3 mo old - with a 12" ruler.


Age 2


Age 3


Age 4


Age 4

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY, TROUBLE!